But it’s whatever I guess lol

I don’t know… I’m just sad I guess. I feel sad, I feel worthless, and I feel almost nonexistent. I question that if something were to happen to me, who would actually care? I’ve reverted back to bottling each and every fucking emotion and thought I could possibly ever have. Until that bottle breaks and I’m forced to pour my heart out on this stupid ass website to prevent myself from having emotional breakdowns. Even then, venting to tumblr barely fucking helps. Nine times out of ten, I still end up having emotional breakdowns and just end up losing the slight grasp on my sanity that I actually have for about 10 mins. Afterwards I regain that grasp and start the whole process over again.

And it’s times like this that make me wish that I had something to fall back on for just a grasp of artificial happiness. 

Left alone in the quietness of my home, letting my mind wander to places that I shouldn’t, but I do anyway out of pure curiosity of how it will make me feel, yet knowing full well of how it will effect my emotions. I’m sad, lonely, and I feel by myself, yet I’m always with people. We barely talk or see one another, and it hurts…all I can do is suffer and wait I suppose.